Blane and Simple

Song 15!

“Fuzzy and Gumdrop”

Today’s song comes from “ChotiDeb” (I’m guessing Deb is your name?) Who asked for a song with the phrase “Fuzzy Gumdrop.” Not sure why, but in my brain this led to a story about 2 people on the drive over to rob a bank. And they call each other “Fuzzy” and “Gumdrop” as aliases. No idea why. Add in a strange percussion loop and 80’s synth sound, and voila…

Lyrics:

Fuzzy and Gumdrop

Take this first left past the broken fence and the cypress tree
I’ll adjust your mask so it fits snug and you still can see
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this

Got a bag and a note and a loaded gun I’m about to cock it
Thinking back to the sofa- a stroke of dumb in a plan concocted
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this

You’re not worried cause they’re all strangers to us-
so they won’t make a fuss
You call me “Fuzzy,” I’ll call you “Gumdrop”
Then they won’t ever know who we are

Pull it up to the curb and leave it there with the engine on
Get the blood rushing first with a few quick spins of a favorite song
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this

You’re not worried cause they’re all strangers to us-
so they won’t make a fuss
You call me “Fuzzy,” I’ll call you “Gumdrop”
Then they won’t ever know who we are

In an hour we’ll be back at home or dead or in custody
And somehow we both lack a sense of dread, feeling so carefree
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this
Oooh- nothing good is gonna come from this

You’re not worried cause they’re all strangers to us-
so they won’t make a fuss
You call me “Fuzzy,” I’ll call you “Gumdrop”
Then they won’t ever know who we are

Song 14!
“No, Exit”

Today’s song comes from a suggestion from Craig Sharrel, who asked for a song about “those nights when you are out on the town and realize that you don’t know or like any of the people you are with. And all you want is to go home!”
Amen, Craig! Think we’ve all had those occasionally. :)

It started as a Paul Simon tune, then became some sort of Simon/Calypso hybrid. I wrote a bridge for it, but then hated it so I just snipped it out a few minutes ago. Is that at all relevant to you? Probably not.
Enjoy!

Lyrics:

No, exit

I was in a new place with a too hastily thrown together attitude
Checked my watch and at the same time I realized that I didn’t mind that I was being rude
Oooh…. Just trying to get away
Sounds of explanations and fake salutations….no reason to extend my stay

These are the nights that try a man’s soul
Follow the lights in my exit row
First I’ll drink to the taste of the rock and then roll out of here

The bored expression on the nubile face of the coat check girl stuck in her place of business
And the indiscretion of the married man with his hair and tan searching round for secret kisses
Oooh- makes me wanna call it a night
Might be too late to preempt myself from sitting left of wrong and right  

These are the nights that try a man’s soul
Follow the lights in my exit row
First I’ll drink to the taste of the rock and then roll out of here

I am in a new place with a too hastily thrown together history
Opinions conceived with a smug and naïve wink of mystery

These are the nights that try a man’s soul
Follow the lights in my exit row
First I’ll drink to the taste of the rock and then roll out of here

Song 13!
“They Don’t Get the Real Superbowl Commercials In Canada”

Tonight’s suggestion comes from Maxine, who booked me at one of my first ever college shows (at UMass, circa 2005 I think…)
She wrote: “I grew up in Dorchester, MA and lived in MA for the majority of my life.  Recently I moved to Canada with my hubs.  When the Superbowl came along, I was very excited.  He’s Canadian so he doesn’t understand but he went along with all the Superbowl preparations and to get him excited I told him about the Superbowl commercials.  I was mad excited.  We had grub, homemade nachos, pizza, wings, soda…

But Canada doesn’t show the American Superbowl commercials!!!!  So while my Boston peeps were enjoyin’ the funny commercials and tweeting me about it, I was stuck staring at Tim Horton and Swiss Chalet commercials.”

So that’s where today’s song originated. I felt like this was the type of song Mike Doughty would write, so it’s a big ripoff of his style.  

Lyrics:

They Don’t Get the Real Superbowl Commercials in Canada

20 chairs, lined em up- the 50 yard line of my living room
Climb the stairs and down the hall if you want a part of the fun
Everything spiced to taste just like back home in America
But there’s one major difference up here
When the TV cuts to break it’s Timmy Hortons and Labatts beer

They don’t get the real Superbowl commercials in Canada
They don’t get the real Superbowl commercials in Canada

Peggy slips, chips and dip all over the floor next to my flat screen
But somehow the party foul is overlooked in all of the fuss
It’s not the same kind of game when all the advertisers are local joints
Cause there’s a big difference up here
When the TV cuts to break it’s Timmy Hortons and Labatts beer 

They don’t get the real Superbowl commercials in Canada
They don’t get the real Superbowl commercials in Canada

Give em the boot, Give em the boot, Give em the boot,
Give em the boot, yeah
Give em the boot, Give em the boot, Give em the boot,
Give em the boot, yeah
What’s it all about? What’s it’s all about? Give em them boot…

They don’t get the real Superbowl commercials in Canada
They don’t get the real Superbowl commercials in Canada

Song 12!
“Louise”

Perhaps my favorite submission so far came from Joe Alletto. He said what he wanted was, “Basically a funny song about knowing when it’s time to break up with someone. And use these 5 random words: Elephant, Rum, Hank Williams Jr., Kanye, tweeted.”

So I did. And no, there’s no real person named Louise. I mean, there are lots of them, but… you know what I mean.
Side note: definitely the first time in history someone has rhymed “Coolio” with “Hank Junior.” And that’s mainly because those words don’t rhyme at all. You’re welcome, world.

Lyrics:

Louise

Take the elephant out of the room- it’s time to let him roam
Let’s just cut up the losses now, and find them a cab ride home
Take the records you brought here- your Kanye West and Coolio
Probably realize what’s going on if you listened to more Hank Junior 

Louise, Louise- You are the only one who doesn’t know
We’re already over
Louise, Louise- we should’ve folded several hands ago
Like your friends had told you
So please, just leave, Louise

Can’t believe that it’s been 2 months, should have called it at date number 3
But lots of whiskey and cheap spiced rum, account for all my ‘wait and see’
Wipe that look off your face Louise- you’re childish and conceited
If you’re looking for proof- you’ll probably take this breakup and tweet it

Louise, Louise- You are the only one who doesn’t know
We’re already over
Louise, Louise- we should’ve folded several hands ago
Like your friends had told you
So please, just leave, Louise 

I can’t break up, with someone I was never really with
I can’t make up with someone who I was never really fighting with

Louise, Louise- You are the only one who doesn’t know
We’re already over
Louise, Louise- we should’ve folded several hands ago
Like your friends had told you
So please, just leave, Louise 

Song 11!
“Ninja Sex”

No, you didn’t misread that. It’s called Ninja Sex. Joe Conway sent in that submission and I ran with it. Somehow we ended up with a James Brownian/Prince-y thing. 

…Side note- everyone has been sending in such amazing suggestions, lyrics, photos etc. Please don’t take offense if I don’t choose yours. I’m trying to do this process without taking into account who the person sending is, and whether or not they make a compelling argument. (Though I’d love to write all the birthday, wedding, etc songs that you guys have been asking for!) It’s just basically whatever hits me on on a given day. So apologies in advance if I don’t use your suggestion this time around. Ok, done with my weird disclaimer. Now, presenting…. NINJA SEX!

Lyrics:

Ninja Sex

Dressed up all in black, they sneak behind your back
And make you feel just like you are a star
Baby don’t look now cause you might get flipped around
Then something slips right under your radar

Oh my my, take you flying through the night
Oh my my, don’t bother putting up a fight
You might think you’ve had the best
But darlin you ain’t had it til you’ve had Ninja Sex

It might get surreal, but no matter how it feels
Only one of you is gonna make a sound
And you can be sure- they know how to use a sword
You won’t know which way is up or down

Oh my my, take you flying through the night
Oh my my, don’t bother putting up a fight
You might think you’ve had the best
But darlin you ain’t had it til you’ve had Ninja Sex

Forget what you have heard- we are putting out the word
Robes and masks are back in fashion
Skip the foot rub and forget about the club
They put the ass in assassin

Oh my my, take you flying through the night
Oh my my, don’t bother putting up a fight
You might think you’ve had the best
But darlin you ain’t had it til you’ve had Ninja Sex

Song 10!
“No One Has To Know”

Nina Ellis sent in these lyrics. Thanks Nina! I used as many as would fit in the song, and I think I might have sung a couple wrong words. But most of your lyrics are intact! :) 

Lyrics:
No One Has to Know 

Baby I hate to see you sad
Just want to make you smile
Baby it can’t be that bad
Just stay with me for a while

I’ll take you anywhere you want to go
Under the covers we can hide
I’ll take you anywhere…No one has to know

I’ll bring you breakfast in bed
You don’t have to ask
We can talk for hours and then
Lay until the stars come to pass

I’ll take you anywhere you want to go
Under the covers we can hide
I’ll take you anywhere…No one has to know

Why don’t we escape for a day?
We can go to Morocco or Spain
Dance the tango, drink some wine
And forget the world outside

You don’t have to run
I’m not going anywhere
Sit with me and watch the sun
We’ll breathe in the brand new air

I’ll take you anywhere you want to go
Under the covers we can hide
I’ll take you anywhere…No one has to know

Song 9!
“Aggro Crag”

Ok these songs are officially getting ridiculous. Haha.
 
Victoria Welch submitted and asked me to write a theme for her Dodgeball team. They are called “Aggro Crag” (According to a google search, it’s a reference to a Nickelodeon show.)
So I put this tune together, envisioning them warming up to it, or playing it as they walk onto the Dodgeball court to get pumped up. Either way, it’s bound to intimidate all their Dodgeball opponents. Or whatevs.

Oh, also it has the least amount of lyrical content I’ve ever written. Booyah.

Lyrics:
“Aggro Crag”

Can’t cop this swag. It’s no brag
Game’s in the bag …cause we “Aggro Crag”

We dare y’all to dodge these balls
Game’s in the bag …cause we “Aggro Crag”

Yup. That’s it.